there is no manual to prepare yourself to do something (again) after a traumatizing life event. time helps soothe things but in grieving time is not so linear.
this morning in the morning radio news (740AM) i heard that the city of san francisco has no way of tracking how many roaming service cars ride at any given point, which is not to account for the 7×7 miles within the city of must-have now that are meal-deliveries, amazon deliveries and every delivery you can think of, it is on the road.
i stopped bicycle riding the streets of the city approximately 6+ years ago. and asides many constant changes, the flow of traffic is very different from the early 2010s. Bumper to bumper at any-given minute. i am no traffic/stat/reporter/analytics expert but i know the significance of crowded-ness when i see it aka almost-getting hit by a “drone” distracted car as a pedestrian almost-all the time.
how, then, does it come to my mind that i should –if ever– chose mi preferred method of transportation as the bicycle again? will i ever be mentally ready, not to mention physically ready?
as with many other life decisions, there may not be a way to go back in life, routine, to where things once were. and that is alrite.
i think about mi brother every day. if the strength ever comes by me again, i guess it falls under the you’ll just know feeling. i guess. i hope.
i just don’t know :/